Everything has been so up in the air for me in the last few weeks, and I've been struggling to make decisions more than I ever had. For what to do with my life next to what I want to eat now other than constant Pizza! Goodbyes are happening before hello again's do.
I've always been pretty bad at making decisions anyway, but when I do the regular pro and con list and they're equal it's harder and harder to do anything. There are many pros and cons to both decisions this time around which involve things and people that love in both areas which makes it damn hard!
I think I don't like making decisions because it requires accepting something. Accepting you don't want to eat the other thing. Accepting that the other thing is wrong for you. That it doesn't matter any more (Wicked lyric) and I'm not good at accepting that. Along with making decisions and accepting things, comes saying goodbye – to choices, to people and places.
I did a post 3 years ago about hating goodbyes, (read it here), and not being good at them, and it's still true, probably worse! You are meant to get better at stuff as you get older, more experience and all that jazz but I certainly feel like I'm the opposite right now. I've got more emotional as I get older. So goodbyes are certainly more emosh than before! They're hella worse!!
I didn't manage to avoid the goodbyes this time around but I avoided, just slightly, getting emotional. There were certainly things I didn't expect when it came to the goodbyes, and I know from last time that saying goodbye this time around could be for a long time, if not for good!
Everything has suddenly hit me that everything is about change all over again.
I'm just not entirely sure how.